Dear Samantha,

After being in continuous relationships since the age 14, many personal traits and characteristic have been lost or conformed to be that of which is attractive to the current XY. Which is why loneliness consumed your life after you moved back home, you were a foreigner to your own mind. Nothing is scarier then being completely alone, especially inside your head. Everything you liked and disliked were lies, your attempt at pleasing him, whoever he was. You wanted to be perfect to them and in that you lost yourself. Its hard being 21 and realizing you dont know anything about yourself. Its like learning to walk again. I started this list for this reason. Here are things I do know:

1. My name is Samantha Elaine Endres
2. I have brown hair and brown eyes
3. Im 5'6"
4. I have 3 blood siblings and 7 step (kind of, its complicated)
5. I love to read
6. Dance is my passion even though I really am not that good at it
7. I've always wanted to learn to play the violin
8. Im sanguine, phlegmatic with a lot of learned melancholy
9. Cholerics scare me
10. I wear a size 7 in shoes
11. I need more patients
12. Im scared of the dark
13. My favorite colors are pink, black and glitter (I dont like pink and black together though, its so juvenile)
14. Ive never denied there is a God
15. Teeth fascinate me
16. I love love stories even if they are super unrealistic
17. My room is hardly ever clean
18. Im really not interested in politics (is that bad?)
19. I've always wanted to go to ASU
20. Pets are annoying
21. Being late should be punished by amputation of finger or toe, they can choose
22. I wish I didnt eat as much fast food
23. Im blessed to have my parents
24. Self esteem is my biggest struggle
25. I love high heels
26. I never thought it was okay to cry
27. I love anyone who can make me laugh
28. Running is therapy
29. I dont like liquid medicine
30. I enjoy my alone time
31. If I only had one thing to eat for the rest of my life it would defiantly be sushi
32. Im scared to disappoint anyone
33. My love language is 'words of affirmation' followed closely by 'quality time' and 'gifts' in third place.
34. I crave cheeseburgers alot
35. Right before shark week I cry for a whole day (TMI?)
36. Jawna and I scream and run to each other every time we see each other, yes every time
37. God is going to use me all over the world
38. I want a Mac
39. My blackberry never leaves my side
40. C.S. Lewis is defiantly at the top of my list of people I want to meet in heaven

...TBC...
Love, Sam